LAW 2: BE WILLING TO COME APART
Honestly, this book is so awesome I want to quote the whole thing (but I'll refrain for your sake)! Baron's second law has to do with giving up control and coming apart. I like reviewing the chapters because it helps me absorb what I'm reading! :)
There is so much in life we can't control. When we try to control, we are playing God.
We are always fighting for control: We are fighting for a better job, to make more money, to get people to understand us, to be heard. We are fighting for a relationship and our partner and parents to be a certain way. We are fighting to look a certain way and our friends to act a certain way. It's exhausting. Our bodies break down and we become ill. The stress can be paralyzing. It's time to surrender.
We have a hard time with surrender. To many of us, surrender means "I lose." The truth is that we can afford to relax and surrender because it's not a loss at all. In fact, it's a win. When we control the things that we are not meant to control, we are interfering with our natural success and potential.
To surrender and give up control is difficult but healing – I speak from experience. About 10 years ago I was in a very unhealthy relationship (I know I said I was going to be less personal but clearly I've thrown that idea out the window). Anyway, I certainly won't get into the details, but what I will say is that the madness was incredible fodder for an HBO special. Notice I said HBO and not regular TV. I realized one day, mid-madness, that I had a choice: I could choose to fight the insanity, and lose my mind in the process, or give up control. I realized the only person I could control in the equation was myself. So I made a pact to myself that every night when I put my head on the pillow I would do it with a clear conscious, grace and dignity – never bowing to his level, or fighting to be understood – I was going to lose, so why fight. No amount of screaming or destructive behavior was going to make things right. I would only feel worse about myself for "going there". I couldn't control his behavior, I could only control my own. My friends couldn't understand how I remained so calm. Even during the peak of insanity, my universe was happy and at peace (somewhat). I certainly wasn't in denial – I was fully aware that my life was a complete train wreck, but I chose to focus on the positive (as best I could of course).
Once I finally gave up control, it was as if a huge boulder had been lifted off me. I think it's human nature to want to "control", especially an "out of control" situation. We waste so much energy "fighting" to be in control, so let go. This chapter is a nice reminder! I better remember to practice what I preach!!
For many of us, we need to get to the point where we are finally willing to give up control so that we can experience the healing we so desperately need. We need to trust and lose control, just as we do when we fall asleep at night. It's as though we hand ourselves over to the forces of nature to be restored, recharged and renewed. That is why control freaks are usually insomniacs; they simply can't let go!
Can you sleep?